It’s all about joy!

I saw the movie “Ten Questions for the Dalai Lama” a couple weeks ago, and was deeply moved by the documentary. As I saw the faces of people who live on the other side of the globe from me, my heart opened up. I had thoughts like, “These are my people; my brothers and sisters,” and “The same sun that shines on them shines on me.” I had a greater sense of worldwide community than I ever have before, and began thinking about the interconnectedness of all humans.

I remember a class in college where the professor pointed to the decreasing number of front porches being built on new homes as an indication of our culture’s growing seclusiveness. It used to be that neighbors would gather on porches after dinner and socialize. The trend now is toward private decks on the backs of houses, thus limiting neighborhood socializing and creating more isolated communities. The individual is favored over the tribe, as we seek more and more ways to exert our independence.

Studies in positive psychology actually link rising rates of depression with decreasing social interdependence. This makes sense to me, recognizing my own need for social contact, love, and a sense of emotional belonging.

Our communities are changing, though, and one of the ways I’ve experienced this change involves blogging. Since this blog launched, I’ve been touched by the many kind people who have read and spent time commenting on various entries. Some people I know, but many I have yet to meet face-to-face. However, it doesn’t change the warmth I feel in my heart whenever anyone takes the time to read a post I’ve written and share their viewpoint. Even greater is when people care enough to share their experiences and offer advice (I’m still humbled by everyone who offered migraine advice - thank you!).

In that vein, I’d like to acknowledge the following people who have added their energy to this blog: Glo, Sue, Jodey, Shirley, Jeff, krsnakhandelwal, EAC, Jessie, charlton13, Jane, JB, Michael, Elizabeth, Holli Jo, Lem, nekoyo, Victoria, Mike, Amanda Fischer and Xine.

Whether it’s reaching out in the blogosphere, smiling at strangers, or making an effort to understand and connect with people from other cultures, the vibration of our world is raised when we take time to spread kindness to each other.

The way we live is changing and how we interact has certainly evolved. One thing that remains unchanged, though, is our ability reach out to other human beings and share our love and compassion with them. It is this interconnectedness that has me so overjoyed today.

I just finished reading a fantastic book given to me by a friend a few weeks ago. The book both looked and read beautifully. It was hard cover with a beautiful illustration on the front that made me happy every time I saw it.

I’d told another friend about the book and encouraged him to read it, as it seemed like something he’d enjoy. Last night, we had dinner together and on my way out the door to meet him, I grabbed the book. My initial thought was that I’d loan it to him to read at his leisure. Then another thought flashed in my mind. “What if I gave him the book, and then told him to pass it along to someone else he thought would enjoy it?” I really liked that idea, and then expanded on it a little bit. I grabbed a pen, and beneath the inside flap wrote, “This book read by…” Then I signed my name and wrote the date next to it.

When I met my friend, I handed him the book and showed him what I’d done. He flipped! He loved the idea of sending the book around freely to whomever may enjoy it, with no thought of it ever returning.

When I woke up the next morning, I started musing about this concept of giving things away freely. By that I mean giving without calculation. I think there’s something inherently beautiful and uplifting to this notion. My human tendency is to hoard what I have (that’s such an ugly phrase, yet spot-on in describing a very common mindset). If I get something beautiful or valuable to me (whether it’s financially valuable, or intrinsically valuable), in the same breath that I’m giving thanks for it, I’m also subconsciously thinking, “I hope I always have this.” Taken another way, what that sentiment really means is, “I’m fearful my abundance will leave me.”

Through the practice of giving things away freely, though, I shift to a different mindset. Instead of thinking, “I have to hold onto this because it’s special, beautiful, or I may really need it some day” I move into a space of allowing the world’s abundance to flow to and then through me. In giving things away without calculation I actually make way for more goodness to arrive. In my mind it’s because I’m acting in accordance with the belief that the Universe is infinite and that I will always have enough. Our thoughts work like energy, attracting us to (or propelling us from) those people, places and things that most resonate with what we’re thinking. If I come from a place of abundance in my mind, I start to see abundance all around me.

Granted, there are things I use over and over that aren’t really practical to give away. I think it’s important to note that this post has less to do with the actual act of giving something away than with the fearless mindset and intent that belies it. However, if I thought someone else would really benefit from something I use over and over and I knew they needed it, you can bet it’d be theirs in short order.

The bottom line for me is this: when I’m able to move with the bountiful, flowing energy of abundance and generosity, and dance to its soft rhythms, I’m able to greatly expand my inner joy. And as the title of the blog says, it’s all about joy.

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Gretchen Rubin (of The Happiness Project) ironically (or not so ironically from where I’m perched!) wrote a post the same day I gave that book away called, “What it means to ‘Spend out’ and why it’s a good idea to spend out.” I hadn’t read her post until the following morning, so how delighted was I when I realized she’d written about the very thing I’d done?! She wrote wonderfully about it, too, so I encourage you to check it out.

A couple weeks ago, I went to a yoga class with my friend. The two of us are in pretty good shape, but not as flexible as we’d like. Therefore, yoga has a tendency to kick both of our butts.

This particular class was rough for me. At one point, I grew so frustrated with my body’s inability to hold a pose without shaking or falling over that I pitched a small fit. I huffed and grabbed my water bottle, and proceeded to sit the next few poses out. My mind then flooded with a series of berating thoughts:

“This shouldn’t be so hard. What’s my problem tonight?”

“I’m not trying hard enough.”

“Look at her - she can do it! Why can’t I?”

Nowhere in my thoughts was a reassuring, gentle voice that said, “You’re doing your best, and that’s fine by me.”

It wasn’t until I saw my friend struggling that I eased up a little bit with my negative self-talk. Funny how that works. When I think it’s just me who’s laboring, I beat myself up. Clearly in those cases, there’s something everyone else has figured out except me. It’s my problem. Me, me, me. I’m bad, I should be doing better, you name it. However, when I realize I have comrades in my struggles, it’s like, “Oh yeah, that’s right. This thing we’re doing is hard. God bless us for trying!”

My tendency to compete with myself and hold myself to impossibly high standards is something I’m working on. While I always want to be doing better or going further, I do myself a disservice when I forget that my best changes from day to day.

I’m able to find much more joy in life when I recall this simple statement and apply it across the board. The best part is, I know that cumulatively, I’m always getting better. I trust myself enough to know that for sure.