It’s all about joy!

Heading into 2008, I want to bring with me the awareness I fostered in 2007 and hopefully add to it, as I continue refining what it means to be me.

The biggest lessons I learned last year were:

I draw people to me to teach me about me. This really hit home when I was able to apply it not just to the supportive people I’ve come across, but also to those with whom I’ve had conflict. I don’t consider myself anyone’s adversary. Yet last year, I found myself clashing quite strongly with three people, two of whom I’d been close with. In the midst of the conflicts, I was absolutely amazed at what transpired within me when I was able to surrender to what the other people were saying or doing. When I was able to hear them, it wasn’t their anger that stayed with me, but the lessons each of them imparted to me. They showed me, albeit in rather tumultuous ways, who I am. They showed me parts of myself I wasn’t able to see previously, and for that, I’m grateful.

Since I believe in the law of attraction and that we create our lives through our thoughts, I fully believe that I drew not only those people into my life, but the conflicts, as well. On a spiritual level, I must be so interested in learning about myself that I asked to be taught in those ways; those oftentimes painful, frustrating ways. When things are going smoothly in my life and when everything’s coming up roses, I don’t tend to learn as much. I look at the battles I entered into last year as my desire not to step - but to leap - forward into beautiful new territory.

Now, is that to say I’d like more conflict in 2008? No, not really. But if that’s the only way I’m able to learn more crucial things about myself, I suppose all I can say is, bring it on!

I live amongst the infinite, the expanded and the possible; it is only my mind that limits me. If I could crawl inside my brain and knock down all the walls that stand between what I believe to be true (which comes from experience) and what actually is true, I’d do it in a heartbeat. What I think I know, and who I currently am, is only a fraction of my true capacity. John Mayer wrote a song a few years ago with the line, “I am bigger than my body gives me credit for.” Every time I hear it, I imagine what it would be like if my spirit could bust forth from the confines of my mental manifestations and simply be one with the infinite universe. I’m not sure I can even put fully into words all that goes into this concept for me, but if you close your eyes for a second, you may just feel what I’m trying to say. We are part of the infinite, the glorious and the abundantly plausible. There is nothing we want that we cannot have. All that stands between us and our dreams is our minds.

When I serve myself, I serve the world. I have a friend who’s mission is world peace. When I first heard him say it, like many others, I chuckled and thought, “good luck.” As he kept talking, though, I realized his mission isn’t so grandiose or implausible after all. He approaches it from the standpoint that world peace starts with each of us, and not even in a “get out there and volunteer” sort of way (although, eventually, we may all arrive at that place on our own). His premise is that because we live in an energetic world, and because our thoughts and feelings go out into the world as vibrations, we can actually raise the vibration of the world by thinking and feeling good. When the vibration of the world is raised, there is more love, positivity and joy; and ultimately, there is peace. Therefore, world peace starts within each of us. When we tend to ourselves and get ourselves in good order through love, compassion and gentleness, we likewise do so for the world.

Taking it one step further to a more tenable platform for some, when we are in a good place within ourselves, we’re more likely to extend that outward and help others.

I don’t need to react to everything I witness. The more mindful I am, the more peaceful I am. I attended my first meditation retreat last Memorial Day, and the focus of the weekend was on cultivating mindfulness. This was fostered through numerous half-hour meditation periods throughout the morning and afternoon hours, as well as noble silence. Noble silence means that no one is allowed to talk to or make eye contact with anyone else. The purpose is to become fully aware of oneself in the midst of daily activities; to completely notice everything in every instance, from how it feels to walk, to noises and smells, to thoughts that arise through it all. The beauty of pure mindfulness, and a definition I heard that struck a chord with me, is that it is “awareness of the present moment with complete acceptance.” The other beautiful thing about mindfulness is that the moment one becomes aware that they’re lost in thought (or are unmindful), mindfulness returns. Mindfulness is waking up in the moment. We may do it a thousand times an hour, and each and every time, we’re cultivating present moment awareness.

So why does mindfulness bring me so much joy? Going back to the definition I mentioned earlier, it entails accepting what is. Whatever I observe around me - be it my thoughts, feelings, actions or other people’s actions - my only job is to accept it. Mindfulness asks me to suspend judgment and simply be with all of life as it’s happening. No fighting, no tension, no wishing things were different. My only job is to observe and accept. There is magnificent peace to be had in those moments, and the more mindful I become, the more peaceful I am.

There were many other smaller and even some sub-lessons I learned last year, as well, but overall, these four are the ones that had the strongest impact on me. I’m greatly looking forward to what 2008 has to offer. If I have my druthers, it will be another year of tremendous joy.

I’ve come to the conclusion recently that I’m done with foolish excuses. I spent many years mastering the fine art of excuse-making, priding myself on it at one point (my excuses were always believable and I had a mental rolodex full of them for any occasion). Truth be told, though, excuses do nothing more than try to justify an action, and unless someone’s asking, why bother? It doesn’t change the outcome of the action. At most, it cushions the blow. And yet, as a society, we’re full of excuses. We have them ready at every turn, constantly feeling like we need to explain ourselves. I understand it up to a point, but when it comes to foolish excuses, I’ve decided I just don’t have the time or desire for them anymore.

Foolish excuses are the things we tell people when our justifications aren’t 100% honest. What I mean by this is that there are many times when we’re not willing to admit the real reasons we do the things we do. Rather than dig for the truth behind our actions, we cover them up with fancy explanations, hoping no one will look too closely and see just what’s really going on with us. Worse yet, we, ourselves, believe our own foolish excuses and don’t question the true motives behind our behaviors.

Fortunately or unfortunately, actions always speak louder than words, especially repetitive actions (i.e., habits). I have a friend who, whether he knows it or not, overpromises and under-delivers more than half the time he commits to something. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard him say, “I’ll call you tonight” only to be followed up the next day with an, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you. XYZ happened…” The first four or five times I witnessed this, I cut him all kinds of slack. “He’s a busy guy,” I told myself. “It’s fine that he didn’t call; I was tired last night anyway.” I even cut him slack to his face, telling him it was no big deal. After three years of this, I finally started asking myself if it was really ok. Certainly there were times when it didn’t matter that we didn’t talk on the day we’d agreed to. However, other times, I got excited at the prospect of connecting only to feel disappointed when it fell through. Then I started noticing that his “overpromise, under-deliver” behavior stretched into other areas, too, including a trip the two of us had planned. He swore six ways from Sunday that he was serious about the trip and had made plane and hotel reservations, etc. It was a done deal. Deep down, though, part of me knew it’d fall through. After all, he’d made a habit of breaking commitments, which I bore witness to more than a few dozen times. Why should I believe it was any different now?

For me, the bottom line is that actions happen. Maybe we could do ourselves a favor and not try to cover up actions with foolish excuses. No matter what we say, the outcome stays the same. It doesn’t matter why we didn’t call so much as that we didn’t call. It doesn’t matter why we’re late so much as that we didn’t make it on-time. When our actions consistently speak in contrast with our words, eventually the actions win out. In this respect, we’re constantly showing people who we really are by what we repeatedly do, regardless of how many justifications we try to pawn off. The question is, do people believe us?

I can say all of this knowing full well that I have, on more than one occasion, been the purveyor of foolish excuses. As I’m learning to live a more truthful, fearless life, I’m finding less and less need for dressed up explanations. Frankly, I’d like to see them done away with altogether. Why is it so hard to tell people the truth, or for us to admit our own truths when it comes to the real reason we do things?

I’m convinced that, as humans with a desire to fit in, many of us are trying not to hurt others’ feelings. Or, perhaps it’s that we’re trying to protect our own images. Any way you slice it, though, we’re uncomfortable with the truth.

What’s so scary about the truth? Well, as the cliché goes, sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes the reason I’m not getting that phone call is because I’m not as important as whatever else that person has going on. The choice, then, is mine as to whether or not I want to internalize that.

Taking it from a first-person standpoint, sometimes the reason I’m not making the call to someone else is because I just don’t feel like talking to them. Can I openly admit that, though? In the past, I haven’t been able to. In my mind, it’s not nice not to want to talk to someone. Well, I always thought of myself as a “nice” person, and certainly wanted others to think I was nice, so I’d make up a foolish excuse and lavish it on the person. Ironically, fibbing - even if we’ve convinced ourselves it’s to protect someone’s feelings - is what’s truly not nice.

Hard to believe it’s taken me more than thirty years to come to a place where I just want the truth, no matter what it is, as opposed to the funny little games we all play in relation to each other. Sheesh, seems like it should’ve been a whole lot simpler to reach this point, but I’m glad I’m here. I’ll go so far as to say I’m even joyful about it.

“If we always do what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we always got.”

This phrase has been ringing in my ears for the past few days. With the approaching new year, I’m thinking about the changes I can make to ensure things don’t turn out the way they always have.

That’s not to say there’s a lot I’d like to change, because overall, I’m thrilled with my life. However, since self-improvement is at my core, I do see some opportunities for refinement.

Giving up the way I’ve always done things, though, will require moving into a space of fearlessness. I’ve developed a powerful need for control in my life and it’s only in the past six or seven years that I’ve loosened my white-knuckle grip on the reigns. I’ve taught myself (and been taught) to simply trust; to take a deep breath and let things unfurl on their own without trying to direct their path.

Conceptually, I believe there’s a bigger plan that I’m part of, and that my life unfolds perfectly when I choose not to fight it, or let my mind or ego run amuck. When I roll with things, not only do I feel more peaceful, but the outcomes are oftentimes miraculous, presenting me with gifts I never thought were possible.

Two important points come up here:

• When we let go of what we don’t need, we do so out of love and compassion for ourselves.

For me, the trick is recognizing what I don’t need. My mind/ego thinks I constantly need more, more, more. It fears lack; not having or being enough. My heart knows better, though. I always have more than enough and am always enough - just the way I am - in any situation. To remind myself of that is to truly love and have compassion for myself.My mind/ego also likes what it knows, and in some cases, it knows drama. And not just any drama, but cheap drama. Cheap drama encompasses things like the people in life who play mind games and try to engage us in fruitless conflict. It also encompasses those who want to entwine us in their own fear-based reality, making us question the path we’re on or what we know to be true. I’m done with cheap drama, and am getting better at living by the mantra, “If it doesn’t bring peace, I must release!”

• To practice letting go is to move from a state of fear to fearlessness.

“Letting go and letting God.” How many of us are able to do this? How many of us are able to have complete faith that we’re being taken care of by a greater universal force that truly wants to shepherd us? I know what it feels like to fear…that twisted pit in my stomach that is so afraid of what could or will go wrong if I relinquish control. I also know what it feels like to trust and expect miracles, and that’s the feeling I want more of in 2008.

The new year represents a chance for all of us to do things differently, and to live with more love and less fear. For me, living with less fear means making room for more joy, and that’s something I consider very worthwhile.

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Related posts:

Joy in Learning to Trade Fear in for Love

Joy in Letting People Be

Joy in Exploring What’s “Enough”