It’s all about joy!

I had a mighty realization a few weeks ago that ties in with the law of attraction and what it means when I deprive myself of the things I love. The “thing” that caused me to have an ah-ha moment in this particular instance was food.

If you’re a semi-regular reader you know I have issues around food and body image. At their worst, these issues have manifested as an eating disorder when I was a teenager. Most of the time, though, it just means I throw my hand up at the offer of foods I don’t feel match my low-fat, high-fiber healthy eating aspirations.

The thing is, I really enjoy food. Double chocolate cakes with buttercream frosting, decadent ice cream sundaes that overflow with hot fudge and whipped cream, piping hot pizzas with sausage and onions, coconut crusted shrimp in pineapple sauce… the list lingers on. However, the thing I don’t like is what indulging in these foods does to my body. I like keeping myself relatively thin and awhile ago learned that doing so was easier when I avoided such decadence.

So, most of the time, I give a polite brush-off to things I wouldn’t think twice about eating if someone told me, “Don’t worry, they’re fat & calorie-free!”

* Sigh *

Well, going along with my “what if” mentality that I’m trying to adopt, something struck me: depriving myself of the things I enjoy (in this case food) is like telling the Universe, “I don’t think I deserve the stuff I enjoy. As a matter of fact, I think it’s bad for me.” From a law of attraction standpoint, this trickles into other areas of my life, too. The Universe doesn’t differentiate and say, “Well, she just means food.” Instead, the repercussions are farther reaching. I could very well be sending out a blanket message to the Universe saying, “Hold it! Keep all the things I enjoy for yourself or give them to someone else. I should not have them!”

When I had this realization it was like a 100-watt light bulb went on over my head. I don’t want to miss out on any of life’s finer pleasures. I want to enjoy what I enjoy! Better yet, I want to reach a point where I think, “What if the things I enjoy - including decadent foods - aren’t really bad for me? What if they’re good for me?” After all, being in a state of joy is good for me on a spiritual level, and things that are good for me on a spiritual level feed into me physically. It’s just my mind that’s been resisting all this time.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s an element of moderation I know I need to play around with. My extreme personality tends to want to go big or go home. However, I’m hopeful that the more I explore the “what if” territory, the more joy I’ll find in simply going where pleasure pulls me and abandoning my rigid beliefs around what’s right and what’s wrong. I like the idea of just being with what is.

(Speaking of…) So that’s where I am: having just learned something new about myself with regard to my beliefs about food and the law of attraction. Dare I say I’m incredibly excited about this newfound discovery? I half imagine finding a Universal delivery person at my door in the next few weeks with a truck full of pleasurable people, things and experiences anxiously awaiting my signature!

Oh, it always happens this way, doesn’t it? Just when I think I’ve adopted a new, healthier mindset, the Universe throws a pop quiz at me that I feel totally unprepared for. I suppose that’s the nature of pop quizzes, but still!

Two weeks ago, I wrote a post entitled, “The Joy in Asking ‘What If’.” The premise was that if I can continue loosening my grip on what I think it means to be “perfect Megan” and embrace who and how I am right now (no changes), I can experience bigger and better joys.

When I wrote that post, I didn’t realize I’d be tested right away, nor did I realize exactly what’d be on the test. Let me explain.

Last week, I got a call from a local magazine I’d submitted an article to four months ago. I was thrilled to hear from them, especially since they want to publish my article in their April issue. (First time in print, thank you very much!) The thing is, they also wanted a professional photograph of me, which the photographer called to schedule shortly thereafter. The thought of having my picture taken sent me into a slight tizzy, as I immediately thought, “Oh God, I hope I can work out every day between now and then and get into good enough shape for it!”

Seriously?!!

Well, that’s how my old programming sounds, and it’s what instantly clicked on upon hearing that a photo was required.

Rather than be excited at the idea of having a professional photographer snap some pictures of me, I thought (more or less), “I’m not perfect enough.”

Now, did I totally fail the pop quiz? No; three or four times in the eight days I’ve had to prepare for the shoot I thought, “What if how I look right now with no further preparation is absolutely beautiful and perfect?” That’s the space I tried to stay in.

It helped to some degree, as I gave myself two days off from the gym when I felt tired or couldn’t squeeze it in. It also helped when a blemish appeared, first on my left cheek and then on my right, as I thought, “It’s ok; this is part of who I am right now and it’s beautiful.” Granted, the thought was immediately followed by, “I wonder if they can Photoshop it out if I don’t cover it up enough?”

Well, the shoot’s in two hours, and I’ve decided to just have fun with it and let my inner beauty pour out of me.

Besides, what if my inner beauty is so magnificent that the stuff on the outside doesn’t even show up on camera?

Peter Walsh has been getting a fair amount of press lately (or so it seems because I keep stumbling on his name!), and it’s about time I familiarize myself with him. Apparently, he was on a show called “Clean Sweep,” has been featured on Oprah, and has written some books.

Two blogs (one I read frequently - MikeTheory - and another that’s sent to me by a friend whenever there’s an interesting post - 43 Folders) had snippets on Peter Walsh that tied in nicely with something I’ve been thinking about: when is the time to disengage completely from the past?

Specifically, what I’m referring to is mementos.

I’m by no means a pack rat. As a matter of fact, I err on the opposing side of that spectrum. I like things neat, and neat, for me, means not having so much stuff!

However, I have been known to keep things I think are of sentimental value:

• Letters given to me by old boyfriends
• Emails from the start of my professional career (mostly sent by friends or family) that I found particularly hilarious or intriguing; I have them printed out in binders
• Photo albums stocked of pictures of me and old boyfriends / friends
• Knick-knacks given to me by old boyfriends (the ones I’m still fond of… and I mean knick knacks, not boyfriends!)
• Stuffed animals (six I couldn’t bear to part from, for whatever reason)
• Mixed tapes given to me either by old boyfriends or my best friend in college (Georgie Boy!)

The items I’ve called into question recently are the mementos I’ve kept from old boyfriends. Honestly, all of them had really good taste (except that one guy…) and the things they gave me, in many cases, were labors of love. For instance, I have a little jar that sits on my window sill containing shells, stones and sea glass from the coast of Maine. It’s filled with water and when the sun shines through it, it’s very pretty - like being at the ocean. As a matter of fact, that’s why he gave it to me: he was there on a trip without me and knew how much I adored the coast. So he bought a small jar, filled it with the nicest shells, stones and sea glass he could find, and brought me back my very own piece of the ocean. (”Awwwwwwwwww…” I know!) Anyway, last week I looked at it and thought, “Why am I holding on to this?”

Same goes for things like mixed tapes and love letters.

I know why I’ve kept the tapes and letters. Two reasons: I figured if I ever have kids, I’d let them see what it was like to be me when I was young and in-love. Second reason is that I figured if I ever forgot, I’d have a reminder.

However, I’m not sure holding on to the past is the way to go. Especially after reading a summary of Peter Walsh’s mentality: “What is your vision for the life you want to live, and is your home a space for the life you want?”

From law of attraction terms, by holding on to mementos from relationships long ago I could very well be sending out an energetic signal to potential suitors that there’s no room for them. I’m still tied up in stuff from the past. EGADS!

On the other hand, that jar represents a gesture that made me feel incredibly special at the time and still has relevance (because I still love the ocean).

So, I’m torn. I honestly don’t know which way to go, but appreciate (always) the encouraging words and advice of anyone who’s in a similar situation or has this experience.

(Thank you!)