The Joy in Asking “What If?”

Last week, one of my favorite bloggers, Mike @ MikeTheory, posted an entry entitled, “My New Years Resolution, Resist Rigidness and Black and White Thinking.” The timing was brilliant, because a few days prior I had similar thoughts for myself related to some very personal challenges I’m moving through.

Like Mike, I’m prone to rigid thinking, especially when it comes to the things I feel I must do in order to succeed. This is actually a variation on my “should” list:

• “I should work out four times a week.”
• “I should avoid extraneous fats or sweets when I eat, and do so as often as possible.”
• “I should do more to attract a bigger readership for my blog.”
• “I should stop watching TV and read more.”
• “I should visit my mom…”
• “I should start writing my book.”

With a few of these things, I end up hammering on myself if I slide too far outside the narrow boundaries I’ve set and it’s all because of beliefs I’ve adopted and let grow over time. These beliefs have become my doctrine for living and when I don’t adhere to them, I fear the (imagined) consequences.

A couple weeks ago, though, I grabbed a few of my narrow-minded beliefs by the throat, looked them straight in the eye, and asked, “What if I could be ok not believing in you anymore?”

The funny thing about our beliefs is that they serve us somehow, even the difficult ones that challenge us, or force us into tiny black-and-white corners. Mike had a great phrase in his post that I completely identify with: self-defeating perfectionism.

I’ve lived the better part of my life as a self-defeating perfectionist, and it’s served me. However, as I continue to evolve and walk in the direction of joy, I realize I’m being asked to loosen my grip on how I think things should be, and more than ever begin accepting – rejoicing even in – how they actually are.

We all have ideals, dreams, and visions for how we want our futures to turn out. I believe it’s more or less necessary, because as the saying goes, if we don’t know where we’re going, how will we know when we get there?

For me, though, the trick is understanding that the rigid view I had of things in the past – what I felt I must do to be “perfect Megan” or live a perfect life – has to be softened and expanded if I’m to continue experiencing bigger and better joys.

So my new favorite question to ask myself is, “What if…?”

• “What if I’m okay not working out tonight?”
• “What if it’s ok that I watched an hour of TV instead of reading?”
• “What if I’m okay eating an entire chocolate cake?”
• “What if it’s ok that I don’t start my book right away?”
• “What if it’s all ok, and what if I’m okay exactly as I am, doing what I’m doing?”

The relief I feel even typing those phrases is immense. It’s something I’m sure I’ll keep refining, because as anyone on the path of self-discovery knows, as soon as one of our personal layers is peeled back, twenty more come into view. It’s certainly a process, but one I’m joyfully committed to.