It’s all about joy!

“Successful people provide ten times more to their clients, or to other people with whom they interact, than they ask for in monetary compensation. Who wouldn’t want to work with or be around someone like that?” James Arthur Ray, The Science of Success

I recently finished James Ray’s The Science of Success and his chapter on giving provided me the inspiration I needed to reignite my dedication to giving and giving BIG. I was reminded of my massage therapist, who I met a year and a half ago. The first massage she ever gave me lasted an hour and a half. However, she only charged me for the hour. Not only was I grateful, but I was enthralled with her service. I immediately booked another appointment. Prior to meeting her, I should mention that I booked one massage, at most, every six weeks. With her, though, I wanted to go back in just three. That next massage she gave me also lasted longer than an hour, but again, she only charged me for the hour. The fact that she didn’t question the duration of our session when it came time to pay made an impression on me. Not only was she one of the best therapists I’d ever seen, but she was also incredibly generous! I’ve booked about twenty-four more appointments with her in the past year and a half, and her warm heart and generous spirit continue to impress me. On top of that, I’ve watched her business nearly double in size. When I met her she was renting space from another group and doing appointments in the evenings after her day job was done. Today, she has her own (very large) space and is fairly well booked most weeks. I know that I’ve recommended her to anyone who’s ever asked me for a massage referral, and quite simply, in my opinion she’s the best at what she does. Again, though, the fact that she gives so much more than she expects to receive speaks to what makes her so successful, I think.

And it’s not just time that she gives. She asks me at the start of each appointment how I’m doing on every level: physically, emotionally and mentally. She offers her interest and her sincere concern. Then, if there’s a particular sore spot in my body, she devotes herself and everything she knows about how the musculoskeletal system works to releasing the tension. Many times, the place I’m sore is not the place that needs attention, and she knows that. She’s proven herself to be infinitely more valuable than any physical therapist or doctor ever has when it comes to muscle, tendon and ligament ailments.

When I think of all the people I know in business, the ones who seem to be truly successful tend to be the ones who give ten times more than anyone else. What’s more, they don’t seem to expect that anyone should notice. They do it because they want to.

Those are the people I want to work with. Heck, those are the people I admire and want to model myself after. They are the ones I’d trust most with serious business demands and the ones I’d choose to be on my team. They’re also the ones I’d give ten times more of myself to without being asked.

When I finished the chapter on giving, I asked myself, “How can I give more?” It was a great exercise to do. It let me go through all the areas in my life where I could be giving twice as much - let alone ten times as much - as what I’ve been giving recently. The best part is, based on my belief in the law of attraction and Universal reciprocity, when I’m giving everything I have to give in all areas of my life, the Universe responds in kind. For all the loving, listening, laughing, inspiration, joy, value and insight I share, it comes back to me in countless and creative ways. It doesn’t even have to be from the person or thing I’m giving to; many times, I feel most blessed when it’s from another source altogether, because it reminds me that the Universe works in mysterious and miraculous ways.

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Another post I enjoyed reading when he wrote it was MikeTheory’s “Learn the Art of True Gift Giving and Give Yourself the Greatest Gift.” He hit upon a trap I used to fall into with regard to giving people gifts: I gave in order to receive acknowledgment. Eesh! Reading Mike’s take on it was a nice reminder of what true gift giving is all about.

I recently took on a new facet to my job that has me interacting with five times as many people as I used to on a regular basis. It’s been both rewarding and challenging, with the biggest challenges coming from the varied (and what I’d call difficult) personalities I’ve come across. These types of situations are the ones that force me to put my money where my mouth is and really “walk my talk.” I’ll admit, I tend to be a bit wobbly at first.

The past three weeks were particularly challenging for me. I found myself spiraling downward in an increasingly negative cycle of thoughts, actions and emotions that I wanted to blame on the people and things around me. I wasn’t responding to adversity with the “I never mind what happens” mentality I slowly began embracing a couple months ago. Instead, I was attaching myself to the adversity and getting wrapped up in a heightening day-to-day drama that I’d named myself the star of. What’s more, most of the words that came out of my mouth to others were about the drama and its various players - what they had or hadn’t done to tick me off. Of course, misery loves company, so while I was talking to anyone who’d listen about my trials and tribulations, I was attracting like-minded sympathizers eager to jump in. Together, we added enough fuel to the fire to light up a city for days.

Well, after a climax early last week, I decided enough was enough. Everything I was experiencing and feeling was in my direct control, and all that I profess to know about joy told me so. However, my attitude for the past few weeks had been growing increasingly negative. While I could sense it happening, I didn’t do a lot to break free from it. Instead I just flowed along with it.

Then something great happened: in reading the last few chapters of a book I’d started months ago, I hit upon exactly the chapters I needed to be reading in the midst of all this. While a few things stood out that I won’t soon forget, by far the biggest had to do with (of course!) love.

For me, when I get wrapped up in negative situations or mindsets, I lose focus. I become obsessed with exactly what’s happening as it’s happening. I forget to remain objective and to simply observe things as they unfold. I become judgmental and tend to take other people’s actions personally. I begin allowing myself to feel victimized. I want the situation or the other people to change, rather than feeling I’m capable of change. Well, the thing that jumped out at me in the book I was reading reminded me that in these very tender moments, the best - most powerful - thing I can do is to ask myself (regardless of what’s happening): How can I add love to this situation?

When I read those words, it’s like a gigantic light bulb went on over my head.

How can I add love to this situation?

In asking myself that question - even as I sat reading the book - I could immediately feel my power come back to me. Asking that question took me out of a victim role because I knew it was my turn to act. I gave myself cause to act: I knew I needed to figure out what I could do - not what others could do - to add love to the things that were happening around me!

What does adding love to a situation look like?

• Maybe it’s simply not reacting to another person’s actions that would have otherwise set me off.
• Maybe it’s proactively reaching out to someone who’s acting in a way that I’d deem as difficult and seeing if I can do anything for them.
• Maybe it’s suspending judgment of what I think “difficult” is!
• In everyday situations, maybe it’s just by smiling at a stranger who’d been blankly staring I my direction.

There are countless ways to add love to a situation, and by asking myself how I can do it, I immediately bring the focus back to something positive: LOVE. I align myself with the greatest force there is, and reawaken to the idea that I’m an extension of God. In a God-like world, there is no fear, no adversity, and there are no cheap dramas. There is only love, and love brings joy.

The next time I feel myself getting wrapped up in negativity or slowly spiraling downward as I did in the last few weeks, I’ll know how to reverse it. I’ll just ask myself how I can add love to the situation and have faith that whatever I’m moved to do will be infinitely more positive than any response I could have otherwise had.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to spread some love…

Delicious foods make me happy. I’m also a big fan of trying to keep things low-fat and full of fiber. That’s why I crafted this low-fat, high-fiber, incredibly tasty chocolate chip cookie recipe from a traditional Toll House recipe. It only makes five or six cookies at a time, so if you’re in the mood for something great but don’t want the temptation of extra cookies lying around, give it a try.

Low-Fat, High-Fiber Chocolate Chip Cookies

• 1 tablespoon light butter (I like to use Brummel & Brown)
• 1 tablespoon non-fat ricotta cheese
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon raw sugar (or granulated sugar)
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
• 1/3 of an egg (or use egg substitute)
• 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 tablespoons old-fashioned (slow-cook) oats
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon baking soda
• 15 - 20 chocolate baking bits (I prefer Baker’s Semi-Sweet Chocolate Baking Bits)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream together the butter, ricotta cheese, sugars and vanilla. Beat until fluffy. Add the egg and mix until thoroughly combined. Add the flour, oats, salt and baking soda. Mix well, and then add the chocolate bits.

On a greased cookie sheet, drop by the spoonful (you should get 5 - 7 cookies). Bake 9 - 11 minutes, or until the edges are lightly browned. Remove promptly and let cool.

You’ll note that these cookies are more cake-like than traditional cookies (because there’s less fat). For me, they’re the perfect guiltless dessert.