It’s all about joy!

Recently I traveled to West Palm Beach, FL and had the pleasure of frequenting the Starbucks in Terminal B. The first time I went there was when I got off the plane. Upon seeing the salacious siren that is the Starbucks logo, I was instantly drawn there. I probably wasn’t even hungry, thirsty, or needing caffeine (anyone who knows me can attest to my slight addiction to all things Starbucks). In any case, I proceeded to order my usual: a venti non-fat chai latte. When the girl handed me my drink and I took the first sip, I knew it wasn’t non-fat. How? Because I have a special power: I can taste fat. That’s right; call me crazy or call me a superhero, but I have the uncanny ability to taste fat in things.

So, I politely asked the Starbucks barista to confirm that the drink she gave me was non-fat. “Yes, non-fat,” she said without hesitation. I wasn’t convinced, but felt strange forcing the issue with her, so I walked away.

Five days later, I was at the same Starbucks again (leaving West Palm Beach and heading back home). I looked over the counter to see who was working and much to my chagrin, the same barista was pouring drinks. When she asked for my order, I told her in the clearest voice possible that I wanted a non-fat chai latte. She repeated my order to me. I smiled, nodded and thanked her. A few seconds later (there was no steaming of milk involved), my drink was ready. As I grabbed it, I glanced behind the counter and saw only one container of milk that the barista had been pouring from. It had a 2% label on it. Suspiciously, I took a sip of my drink and once again, I could taste the fat! I looked at her and said, “Excuse me, but is this a non-fat chai?” Again, without hesitation, she said, “Yes, non-fat.” So I replied, “But I saw you pouring out of the 2% container.” She replied, “No, that was non-fat. I just put it in the 2% container.” I glanced at the back counter and saw an empty 2% milk carton that was ready for the trash, but nowhere did I see even the slightest hint of skim milk. I took a couple more sips to make sure, and yeah, there was definitely fat in that drink.

I walked back over to her and said, “I’m sorry, but this drink doesn’t taste right to me. Can you please remake it?” She agreed, and said, “Non-fat chai, right?” Again, as clearly as I could, I said yes. At that point, she reached under the counter into the refrigerator and grabbed a fresh jug of skim milk. She eyeballed me as she was opening it up, and then proceeded to search around for the skim steaming container to heat it up in. Sure enough, she’d made me a 2% latte the first time around. I knew it!

Now, whenever this happens (and it’s happened more than once), I have to laugh because I’m always reminded of the Seinfeld episode involving the non-fat frozen yogurt. I think to myself, “What would I say if I had to defend why I needed a non-fat latte?” At that point Elaine’s voice pops in my head:

ELAINE: I want a small, plain vanilla in a cup to go. That’s non-fat, right?

OWNER: That’s right.

ELAINE: ‘Cause I’m on a special diet, and the doctor said I can’t have any fat.

Then I laugh as I remember later in the episode when Dinkins, a potential suitor for Elaine, neglects calling her back for a few days. She thinks it’s because she’s put on weight from eating too much supposed non-fat frozen yogurt:

ELAINE: Three days and he hasn’t called me, and you know why? Because he thinks I’m too fat.

JERRY: (surprised) He said that?

ELAINE: No, but I saw the look on his face when he put his arm around me. And then we went to his apartment, and I sat on one of his chairs and it broke. And he says, “Boy, you’re a lot of woman!”

Well, even though I’m not worried about breaking chairs or becoming “a lot of woman” from drinking 2% lattes, any time my non-fat drink gets mixed up with a fat-filled drink, I laugh. Partly because if tasting fat was a superpower, it’d be the oddest superpower imaginable. However, it’s also because anything that reminds me of a Seinfeld episode is reason to giggle, if only for a moment.