It’s all about joy!

I’ve been more in touch with my feelings lately and enjoying greater awareness of my body’s built-in warning system that serves to keep me on course. I’ve noticed that when I’m doing things that are in alignment with who I am and what’s important to me, I feel mentally, physically and emotionally fantastic. When I’m out of synch with what’s important to me, on the other hand, I feel that, also, but it’s usually in a much different way.

Last week, I did something that my conscious mind told me could be fine, but that my gut suspected might go against who I am at this point in my life. It wasn’t anything huge, and I was able to rationalize that I could make this event anything I wanted it to be. Deep within me, though, I was apprehensive. My subconscious sent up little smoke signals to get my attention, begging me to call off what I was about to do. I ignored them and went through with it anyway. Two hours after doing said thing, I developed a horrendous migraine and my body began shutting down in a bizarre way. Why? I believe it’s because I was acting in conflict with my true nature. Therefore, as a way of expressing the inner conflict, my gut turned its apprehensions into a physical manifestation to let me know in no uncertain terms that I’d crossed a line.

Yet again, a few days later, I was heading into a situation that my instincts told me was not in alignment with who I am, but that I was obligated to carry out for professional reasons. True to form, because I could not avoid the situation and would have to go through with it, my body did the only thing it knew how. It tried to get my attention and potentially protect me by rebelling via migraine.

In the first example, my body’s insurgence came after the fact, as if to remind me that when I go against what my gut’s saying, I can’t avoid the repercussions. In the second example, my gut instincts turned into fierce physical resistance beforehand, urging me to be on high alert for what was to come and possibly trying to save me from it altogether (after all, if I’m too sick to attend something that’s not in my highest good, maybe I won’t have to deal with it ever!).

Those two examples have driven home something that I only just started embracing in the past few years: ultimately, I can’t deny my true nature. Who I am - my goals and what I believe in - will always be what feels “right” to me, and everything else will somehow erode my person, be it mentally, emotionally or physically. On top of that, my gut instinct serves as a situational guru, of sorts, warning me when I’m about to veer off-course or head into murky waters.

I wrote about this from a difference perspective last Fall. My discovery in Joy in (and Gratitude for) Migraines included realizing that my migraines serve me, so rather than reject them I need to rejoice in what they offer. In Joy in Seeing a Purpose in Pain, I discussed the need to investigate, rather than mask, pain because, again, it always has a message for us.

While very few people enjoy pain in and of itself, the role it plays in our lives as messenger and protector is something to be honored. I’m certainly learning to honor - and find joy - in mine.

The other night after finishing work, I drove home and mapped out a five-mile run. I wanted to take advantage of the amazing weather we’ve been having in Upstate NY over the last week or so. I planned a route that ended on top of a hill overlooking the city. The view would be breathtaking, and the breeze up there would feel fantastic when I finished.

A strange thing happened, though, as I was putzing around getting ready to go. I started having an Emily Dickinson moment where I could feel myself tensing up, resisting the idea of actually leaving the house. Was it the distance? Would five miles prove to be too far for my first solo run of Spring? Or was I just tired, mentally and physically? Whatever it was, I was happy when I overcame it and headed out the door anyway.

The first two and a half miles of the run were tough - tougher than most. I couldn’t relax. I kept going over and over the route in my mind, thinking, “Get through this segment, and the next one will feel easier.” Then I’d finish another segment and think, “Now get through this segment, and the next one will feel easier.” Finally, as I hit the final segment and embarked on a long, steady climb up the last hill, I stopped thinking and started noticing. See, normally on a hill like that, I’d look ahead toward the top so I could gauge how much further I had to go. Doing so would give me context for how I should be feeling, rather than how I actually was feeling.

For example, if it’s a long, steep hill and I’m only halfway up, my mind tells me I’m tired and I really have to power through to make it all the way. I dread every step, thinking, “God I’m tired, and I’m only halfway through!” As I near the top, I think, “OK, just a few more steps to go; I can do this. It’s not so hard anymore.”

Like I said, I didn’t do this during my last run. Instead, I fixed my gaze on my feet. With every step, I thought, “This is the only step that matters. This is the only step that matters.” I just kept repeating that phrase over and over and never looked up until I was inches away from finishing.

The result? I felt fabulous! I was able to relax more with each step and recognized that my body felt really good as it kept climbing that hill. Better yet, my body had no idea - without the visual prompt of looking ahead - that it was even on a hill!

By becoming aware of exactly what I was doing as I was doing it (mindfulness), I banished the mental suffering I’d previously experienced.

Drawing comparisons to life, I know that with monkey minds being the way they are, when I’m more focused on arriving at my goal than I am on enjoying the journey, I tense up. I anguish over how much further I have to go, or how little I’ve accomplished. The more I learn about joy, though, the more I realize it’s the journey that counts. Therefore, anything I do to keep me focused on the details of the journey (aka: being more mindful) serves to increase my happiness in (running) leaps and bounds.

(Note: written Monday evening)

Less resistance…this is something I’m trying to embrace more wholeheartedly right now. While I’ve always played around with the concept of “going with the flow,” I haven’t been successful in every circumstance. By nature, I’m not a very flexible person. Every part of me - from my stiff hamstrings to my strong will - exhibits this. For me, it’s tough to just let things be and roll with life. But I’m trying, and when I’ve been successful, joy blooms brightly inside of me.

For example, right now I’m sitting in O’Hare airport in Chicago. I’m through the first leg of my flight to San Francisco, which I just arrived home from two days ago. It’s for work, which is a huge blessing, but two east/west coast trips in five days brought out the resistance in me. For starters, the three-hour time difference wreaked havoc on my sleep cycle this weekend. We were delayed in JFK airport coming home, and I never reached my bed until 2:30 a.m. By that time, I was exhausted and didn’t recover until this morning. The thought of heading back to the west coast tonight, knowing I’d be laid over in Chicago for three hours and not arriving in San Francisco until midnight, had my stomach in knots:

• What if we’re delayed?
• What if I can’t sleep on the plane?
• What if they lose my luggage? I have a big day on Tuesday.

Panic, stress, nerves, RESISTANCE!

Then it hit me: relax into whatever’s happening. I can’t change how fast or slow the airplanes fly, and I can’t control airport traffic. However, I can control my attitude and how I feel while traveling. When I relax, I feel good and when I feel good, good things happen to me. I receive warm smiles from passers-by, I notice the happy couple laughing, and I get to revel in the precarious antics of the kid taking a flying leap off one of the moving walkways. With these things in mind, I know my only job is to allow each moment to unfold on its own, recognizing that my highest good is always being served. Ultimately, I’m being guided by the greater force of the Universe and things are unfolding exactly as they need to for my best spiritual progression. Whether it’s silly airport delays or not being able to move to the New England coast just yet, events in my life happen on purpose. When I remember to just accept - or give in to - whatever happens, I free myself from a mental prison of anticipation, doubt, anxiety and tension.

Something I recently read in a book has been playing over in my mind and helps me with this. A spiritual guru was asked his secret to living a contented and peaceful life. He replied, “I never mind what happens.” Think about it: when we don’t mind what happens, we don’t spend undue mental energy on it. We experience it, accept it and let the next moment unfold as it will.

My goal, as I continue to walk this path of joy, is to recall his words and make them my mantra.

Imagine how grand life would be if none of us ever minded what happened?

***

As an update to last Thursday’s post about the law of attraction and how I’ve been a manifesting maniac these past two months, while I still have my sights set on moving to the ocean, something pretty spectacular happened in the meantime that has my head spinning. One of my daily “feeling” affirmations for the past six months has been:

My life feels like one big vacation that I’m being paid millions of dollars to be on. I’m doing what I love, in the places I love, with the people I love and am sharing with the world what I know about love, joy and positivity.

Well, three days ago I learned that in the next five weeks, I’ll be traveling to San Francisco, Seattle, Miami, and New York City. What’s more, the trips are all being paid for and while in New York City I’ll be attending my first ever black-tie dinner with a handful of people that I absolutely adore. While the millions of dollars isn’t quite there yet, the rest is falling nicely into place.

One big vacation, indeed.