It’s all about joy!

Aka: Erasing a Tendency Toward the Big But

I had the most eye opening moment a few days ago. I’ll preface it by saying that I’ve heard this theory before, embraced it, but apparently couldn’t internalize it until Tuesday.

It struck me that after spending the better part of my 32 years as a perfectionist, I haven’t spent many - if any - moments fully accepting myself exactly as I am right now. Granted, I have times when I think, “Yeah, this is all pretty good, but…” and therein lies the problem. To quote Pee Wee Herman, “Everyone I know has a big but…” And how!

As a self-proclaimed joy girl, I relish many things: my home, my friends, my body (most of the time), my job (most of the time)… I try to have an attitude of gratitude about every aspect of my life, which strengthens my joy. I’m prone, however, to the ceaseless desire to tweak and refine, improve upon and strive. As a spiritual seeker, my mentors and role models have spoken of “just being.” I love that idea, but it’s usually just that - an idea. As a human, my internal drive rarely idles. I’m always looking for new ways to be better, more, greater, you name it.

That’s when it struck me: I don’t want to reach my 80’s and look back thinking, “You damn fool! You had the most beautiful life, body, career, etc. but you never fully appreciated it. You always thought you could do one better…” How sad and wasteful that would feel.

So on Tuesday, I promised myself, to the best of my ability, to fully and completely appreciate every part of myself as I am right now. I am going to work on expanding that attitude of gratitude as a full-time posture.

• If someone gives me a compliment, I’m going to accept it completely and wrap it around myself as opposed to taking it in my hands, looking at it, and then handing it back because I don’t feel 100% worthy.
• I’m going to look at myself naked and think, “Gosh darn, I’m walking around in a lovely package! I wouldn’t change a thing.”
• I’m going to be thankful for every day I’m at work - tough experiences or not - and think, “This is living; I love what I do!”
• I’m going to accept where I am right now, in the midst of realizing some dreams and at the beginning of dreaming a few new ones and think, “Everything about right now is perfect. I’m exactly where I need to be.”

Basically, I’m going to start erasing that ever present and frequently diminishing big “but.”

So c’mon now, let’s talk about YOUR big but!

***

A few more Pee Wee quotes that I love (and this is a shout-out to my college neighbor and very good friend, Joyce “Monkey Chips” C.):

Pee-wee: The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It’s like you’re unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting…

Pee Wee: There’s things about me you don’t know, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand.

Dottie: I don’t understand.

Pee Wee: You don’t want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

[At a life-size diorama in the Alamo]

Tina: This is one of my favorite parts of the tour. Say hello to our residents, Pedro and Inez. Pedro is working on an “adobe.” Can you say that with me?

[Tour group responds, "Adobe."]

Tina: Inez is holding a clay pot, of which she seems to be very proud. She has decorated it with lots of paint and glaze.

[After Pee Wee passes out]

Texan: What’s your name?

Pee-wee: I don’t remember.

Texan: Where are you from?

Pee-wee: I don’t remember.

Texan: Do you remember anything?

Pee-wee: I remember… the Alamo.

[Texans cheer]

Last Saturday, I was in New York City attending a spiritual event. I attended the event in hopes that I would experience a profound inner healing of the parts of me that still cling to outdated beliefs, behaviors and emotions. I wanted to access even deeper chasms of my inner wisdom and do so in an environment filled with and guided by love.

Overall, it was a tremendous experience, and one that I walked away from feeling divinely transformed.

What struck me was all the people there - 250 in total. As I looked around, I noticed that the only label that could be used to group all of us together was our shared desire to experience or know something bigger than ourselves that day. Rather than everyone having a similar look, whether it be our style or our walk of life, this event gathered together hundreds of individuals with seemingly little more in common than spirituality.

There were hippies and plastic surgery-loving women there. There were perfectly groomed men mixed with scruffy beard-sporting students. There were prim and properly dressed ladies sitting alongside those in sweatpants touting the word “Juicy” on their derrieres. You name it, I saw it, and everyone was lovely as could be.

Whenever I attend events like that (and I remember church offering a similar setting), I’m reminded of the beautiful simplicity that links so many of us throughout the world: we’re seeking a greater understanding of ourselves and of the powerful Universe in which we live. We all suffer, and we all want to end our suffering. It doesn’t matter what we look like, how we sound or what our backgrounds are. The outer packages we saunter around in are just costumes. They are not who we truly are. Ultimately, who we are can be found within our hearts.

I like the idea that I can close my eyes and from my heart-center, feel a connection to virtual strangers. Through my heart, I can connect with anyone and in that space and in those moments, know that I am never alone. I am one with the man or woman standing next to me who, from outer appearances alone, looks completely different than me. Oh, how I like that and the joy it brings me!

Listening to Wayne Dyer the other day, I was reminded that whatever we’re for strengthens us, and whatever we’re against weakens us. I needed to hear that again, because there are times when I fall into the all-consuming trap of what I’m against. It could be things like:

• a negative coworker
• the gossipy woman in yoga
• a loud critic
• the god-forsaken heat
• eating too much or eating for the wrong reasons
• not exercising (especially when I think I “should”)
• feeling tired
• political nonsense

You get the idea. Anyway, sometimes it happens so subtly that I don’t even realize I’m slipping into the “what I’m against” mode. Other times, it’s obvious to me and everyone I’m with.

Regardless, from a power perspective, it’s important to remember to stay in the “what I’m for” mode because that’s when I’m the strongest and can affect the most positive change in my life - to bring about more of what I want and less of what I don’t.

It’s an easy switch, too. I simply turn around the things that torque me and think of their opposites, or better yet, I affirm my ideal scenario. Using my list from above, it could be that I’m for things like:

• positive people and peace
• truthfulness and the Buddhist concept of “right speech”
• supporters and encouraging people
• mild summer weather
• keeping my body healthy and eating only what I need to stay nourished and strong
• being active and having a strong, vital body that can do anything I want it to
• feeling well rested and vibrant
• global harmony

Whatever I’m for strengthens me, and whatever I’m against weakens me.

So, what are you for?